Something Completely Different

Now, as anyone will tell you, last week’s US GP was a disaster, and a stultifyingly tedious one at that. OK,some die-hard Ferrari fans loved it, but that’s all. But was there really a better way for us to spend a Sunday evening? We came up with a few alternatives:

Watch another channel? – Among the better alternatives (in Britain) were Songs of Praise followed by Last of the Summer Wine. That would be enough to get most people screaming for a six-car event on a regular basis

Go out? – Come on, we’re F1 fans, we have no social life.

Do the housework? – Not a chance.

Read the papers? – Possible, this, but can often be done whilst watching the race, not really an activity in itself.

Cook a gourmet meal? – This would be far too much like hard work, anyway it detracts from the GP-watching diet of tortilla chips and beer.

Surf the internet? – How do you think F1 fans fill the rest of the week to begin with?

Track down the highlights of that weekend’s Le Mans 24 hours? – This makes sense, ITV could have shown some highlights during dull parts of the race (ie all of it).

Complain to the FIA or ITV? – I see the point, but I seem to be doing this after every other race at the moment anyway.

Get so drunk the race appears interesting? – Having done that 18 times during the 2004 season, it is no longer an option for the sake of my liver

Fill in the FIA questionnaire on what the fans want? – The irony! It is safe to say that more than six cars taking the start would be high on the list. Sadly, it has closed.

Go karting? – A preferable option, but not a cheap one.

Watch the cricket on Sky? – The USGP may have been dull, but it has nothing on cricket. Same goes for tennis. Why a six-car race is roundly criticised for being tedious, when two people hitting a ball across a net for a fortnight is pitched as the height of entertainment, is beyond me.

Do good deeds for the community? – Worthy? Yes. Entertaining? No.

Go see a film? – I actually did this, watched the first 3 laps, got bored, saw a film, watched the last lap. Even as a dedicated fan sitting through 73 laps of that was too much.

Admire Martin Brundle? – The man is a legend and possibly the best F1 commentator of all time. His performance last Sunday comfortably outranked anything that happened on the track.

Computer games? – The only way to get a proper GP last Sunday was on the PS2. And F1 2005 doesn’t come out until next week (we’ll have a full review).

In an F1 Fanatic world, even though the USGP was a disaster and a dull one at that, the alternative options are not the same as sitting through a two hour, six car procession. It may have been boring, but we all watched. It’s kind of worrying that many of us can tolerate being treated this way, but I bet it wouldn’t last very long.

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