New year’s resolutions for F1 drivers

Lewis Hamilton, McLaren-Mercedes, Silverstone, 2007, 6 | DaimlerHaving made my usual new year’s resolutions (about drinking less coffee and spending less time on writing F1 Fanatic) I dreamt up a few resolutions I’d like F1 drivers and other figures to take.

Here are 20 resolutions I thought up – suggest some of your own in the comments box below…

Lewis Hamilton – I will learn to drive conservatively in championship-deciding races.

Kimi Raikkonen – I will stop acting like a bored teenager during interviews.

Fernando Alonso – I will explain my version of the events at last year’s Hungarian Grand Prix.

Max Mosley – I will not take cheap shots at three-times world champions.

Bernie Ecclestone – I will hand over the running of Formula One Management to someone who understands new media (and bring F1 back to America).

Jenson Button & Nick Heidfeld – I will purchase and use a razor.

Tadashi Yamashina – I will pack up my joke of a team and buy Williams instead.

Ron Dennis – I will learn the value of transparency and good public relations.

Sebastien Bourdais – I will not let my new F1 drive stop me from competing in the Le Mans 24 Hours.

Vijay Mallya – I will not allow Force India / Spyker / MidlandF1 / Jordan to be sold yet again.

All F1 drivers – I will complete a season without using the phrase ‘for sure’.

Mario Theissen & Burkhard Goeschel (BMW) – I will stop arguing in favour of stability control and realise it has no place in Formula 1.

Flavio Briatore – I will not throw stones from the confines of my glass house.

Frank Williams & Colin Kolles – I will drop my opposition to customer teams.

Hermann Tilke – I will urge the FIA to relax the tight restrictions on F1 circuit design.

Juan Pablo Montoya, Williams, 2004 | BMW MediaJuan Pablo Montoya – I will stop messing about in NASCAR and return to F1.

Steve Rider & James Allen – I will realise there are 21 F1 drivers who aren’t Lewis Hamilton.

Felipe Massa – I will learn that a red light means stop.

Luca di Montezemolo – I will stop whingeing about ‘spygate’.

Michael Schumacher – I will announce my return to Formula 1 with Ferrari as Kimi Raikkonen’s team mate in 2009.

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40 comments on New year’s resolutions for F1 drivers

  1. AmericanTifosi said on 2nd January 2008, 17:47

    Heikki Kovalinen: I will not let my new position go to my head.
    Honda: We will try to out-perform the Safety Car.
    Nelson Piquet Jr: I will make Fernando’s life miserable.
    K. Nakajima: I will not run over my pit crew.
    Rubens Barrichello: I will score points this year or retire.
    Kimi Raikkonen: I will not get beaten by my team mate.

  2. Loki, could not agree with you more… Though with Kimi, its like he’s sleeping even when the race is on.

    For crying out louds sake, it is well documentd that, he loves nothing more than a snooze before both quali or for that matter the race. Quite some attitude.

    Plus, the man actually at the start of season, between Melbourne and Malaysia, raced a skidoo endurance race under name James Hunt and won!!! Speaks a lot about the character. We clearly need/want more people like that in F1.

  3. AmericanTifosi said on 2nd January 2008, 17:49

    All drivers: I will come up with and use another phrase for “The Limit”
    Byernd Maylander: I will not get hit by a flying STR

  4. Sri, indeed Kimi participates in many other activities outside F1, which reportedly Ferrari “turn a blind eye” to more than McLaren did, and he does seem to be a lively character outside of F1. He even says that if he couldn’t do everything else he loved, there’s no point in being in F1.

    Here’s a thing: if Kimi was to be “himself” during interviews, maybe there would be a side that the bill-payers would not want to know – to be honest, I’ve grown to love his approach to interviews as it keeps him out of trouble and usually doesn’t warrant or demand any extra media attention to ensue. Yes, they’re boring as hell, but I could see the advantages in it.

    Anyway back on topic:

    Kovalainen: I will stop following in Alonso’s footsteps
    Massa: I will chill (but perhaps not so much as Kimi) and not let other rookies this year make me look like a rookie.
    Ross Brawn: I will remember it is the white cars Im now watching.
    Button: I will become British #1 again (given a few years with Brawn)

  5. Murray Walker: return to F1 and send James Allen back to the bridge under which he was born

    Fernando Alonso: trim unibrow

    Someone: explain to Fernando Alonso how much of a hypocrite he’s been, and maybe give him a good punch to the head

    Kimi Raikkonen: enunciate

    FOM: stop taking down fan videos from F1 races

    Bernie: bring back the USGP

    Ralf Schumacher and Sakun Yamamoto: leave. leave and never come back

  6. Vertigo said on 2nd January 2008, 20:51

    Nico – can I please be the one to explain to Fernando Alonso how much of a hypocrite he’s been, and maybe give him a good punch to the head?

  7. Stefano Stridi said on 2nd January 2008, 22:11

    Do you like this one?
    Mark Webber: I won’t eat any fish cooked by David Coulthard (Japanese Garand Prix 2007…)!

  8. Steven Roy said on 2nd January 2008, 22:32

    I really don’t want to race – Michael S.
    I really don’t want to race – Michael S.
    I really don’t want to race – Michael S.
    I really don’t want to race – Michael S.

  9. carlos said on 2nd January 2008, 23:02

    Dear Nico,

    May you explain me that about Alonso?
    Talk about hypocrisy may be an interesting theme. I would like to add some names under that epigraph.

  10. frecon said on 2nd January 2008, 23:41

    official F1 broadcasting signal: i will not focus Anthony Hamilton more time than Takuma Sato, or Vettel, or Trulli, or…

  11. openwheelfan said on 3rd January 2008, 1:05

    Alonso–I will not foward my e-mail to Bernie E
    Vettes– I will not try to grow any facial hair.
    Coulthard– I will win a race
    Kimi– I will smile more than once in 08.

    All in all very good but one more

    Max–I will leave F1 and move on to try to destroy the IRL.

  12. I prefer more realistic and attainable new year resolutions:

    Max – I will extend the FIA’s powers to include the EU. And next year, world domination!

    Bernie – I will rescind my contract with Stevenage Local Council and find myself a decent hairdresser.

    Hamilton – I will not move to Switzerland; I will buy it instead.

    Alonso – I will try not to add to my collection of mirrors.

    Kimi – Mumble.

    Ralf – I will not race in F1 in 2008. This is my decision. I have decided. No, really, don’t try to persuade me otherwise.

    Big Ron – I will explain things in clear and simple terms without circumlocution and subsidiary clauses, bearing in mind the inability of the press to follow sentences containing more than five words and in view of the prevailing atmosphere in F1 at the moment, thereby giving the impression that I’m just a simple bloke like all the others and really don’t deserve what they say about me on that internet thingy and I’m really sorry for what might have happened even though it didn’t as far as I know and can we have our ball back, mister?

    Nelsinho – I will let Fernando win. Well, for the first half of the season, anyway. Ummm, maybe for the first three races. But I will outqualify him after two races. Or maybe one. Oh, what the heck, I’ll take every chance I get.

    Heikki – I will try to be a good little Finn and not smile so much.

    Mario Theissen – I will find three more very quick young Germans to use as test drivers. And BMW will win a GP. And next year, world domination!

    Franz Tost – I will help Vijay Mallya with his driver selection problem.

    Vijay Mallya – I will take no advice from Franz Tost.

  13. verasaki said on 3rd January 2008, 3:41

    Good ones both Keith and Clive.
    How about
    Max: I will admit to my messianic complex and finally check myself into a very good clinic in Zurich.
    Bernie: I am actually Rodney Bingenheimer’s mad twin brother locked in mum’s attic for my first 15 years of life and will check myself into a room adjoining Max’s.
    Hamilton: I will endeavor not to let my head explode under the flux of pressure emanating from my ying cult status and yang antichrist status imposed upon me by my adoring/abhorring public.
    Alonso:I will keep my mouth shut and my foot firmly planted and put paid to the rumours that anyone who doesn’t actually know me knows me.
    Kimi: I will not allow myself to be changed one bit by any of the nonsense that surrounds me.
    Ralf:I will enjoy my ill gotten booty and start sewing new pirate costumes for my fantasy self.
    Flavio: I will never, ever appear again in public in thong speedos. Ever. He promises. We hope.
    Ron: I will step in as Sir Jackie’s interim co-head of the FIA during it’s ground up reconstruction.
    Robert Kubica: I will shave every other day because I am kind of sexy with a days growth-unlike those other two weeny boys.

  14. PinkPeril said on 3rd January 2008, 3:46

    Some resolutions that perhaps should’ve been made at the start of last year

    Scott Speed : I will not turn my back on Franz Tost

    Paul Stoddart : I will start saying what I really think

    Christjian Albers : I will not drive off from pitstop with refueling rig still attached

    Lewis Hamilton : I will pit when the rear tyre is bald

    Adrian Newey : I will find a new gearbox supplier

    Anthony Davidson : I will not run over Groundhogs or other assorted wildlife

  15. openwheelfan said on 3rd January 2008, 4:06

    Clive you are dead on LOL

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