Kimi Raikkonen, Lotus, Valencia, 2012

Caption competition 3: Kimi Raikkonen

Caption competitionPosted on Author Keith Collantine

Kimi Raikkonen, Lotus, Valencia, 2012
Kimi Raikkonen, Lotus, Valencia, 2012

Kimi Raikkonen made his long-awaited return to F1 this week with a two-day test for Lotus in Valencia.

But as much as he might relish being back in F1 machinery, Raikkonen has never had much time for the media demands that go hand-in-hand with being a professional racing driver.

What might he have had to say to the press on his return to F1 this year? It’s over to you to supply the caption.

Remember to look out for the best in tomorrow’s Comment of the Day in the daily round-up.

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Image ?? Lotus F1 Team

190 comments on “Caption competition 3: Kimi Raikkonen”

  1. Interviewer: “So, Kimi, what are your expectations for 2012?”
    Kimi: “…”
    Interviewer: “The 2012 F1 season, I mean…”

  2. After Vitaly Petrov’s meltdown in Abu Dhabi, Eric Boullier requested that all Lotus team members undertake shock therapy a polygraph test during interviews.

    1. Or for that matter:
      Lotus solves motivation problem, diverts part of KERS to power Kimi .. just the wiring still needs work until first race.

      1. Good one. Spot on!

      2. Lawl, I like this one.

  3. matthewf1 (@)
    28th January 2012, 12:14

    ‘i don’t care what anybody says’

  4. ‘So Kimi what are you most looking forward to in the 2012 season?’
    ‘Ice cream’

    1. a Black and Gold one of course (at least that’s what the team would want him to eat).

  5. “Kimi, will you marry me?”

  6. “Kimi, what was your initial view of the CT-01”.

    1. ronald plain
      11th March 2012, 6:14

      From the cockpit.

  7. Interviewer: “Kimi, you’re back! We are all very excited! Are you?”

    Kimi: “I need a ****!”

  8. Kimi: -_-

  9. “Wow, Lewis has really aged, how long have I been gone?”

    1. This :D

  10. Interviewer: So Kimi. Why the beanie and not the famous baseball cap.
    Kimi: I gets cold when you are “The Ice Man”

    1. @saiesh the best for me.. I still don’t create one yet

  11. “Wait a second – this is a FORMULA ONE Team?”

  12. “so then i said to the horse, why the long face?”

    1. Anthony Naulls
      2nd February 2012, 1:51

      Quality

  13. matthewf1 (@)
    28th January 2012, 12:29

    ‘I hope we have a good car that can compete with Brawn this season’

  14. Interviewer: “Can’t hear you Kimi.”

  15. How does it feel to be back in a Formula One car?

    “I feel like I’m having a ****”

  16. *hands clasped* I gotta go…..

  17. Kimi says that the Enstone outfit can only win again with Briatore on the command. Wise words, Mr. Ice Cream.

  18. Interviewer : Who do u see as the 2012 Champion.
    Kimi : Sebatien Loeb again !!!! Damn Sebatians

  19. This summer …

    Steven Spielberger presents a film that the critics called ‘unwatchable, and not in that Oscar-friendly stops-me-from-taking-things-for-granted way’ (Roger Ebert), ‘a one-hour story drawn out for three hours of utter agony’ (Stephanie Zacharek) and ‘a masterpiece of modern cinema that makes Citizen Kane look like Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen‘ (Armond White).

    In a world where energy drink companies can steal the glory from Ferrari. Where Venezuelan oil dollars can take a man further than anything resembling talent. Where the legends of tomorrow are wrapped around the little fingers of Pussycat Dolls. Where a former World Champion can suffer the inglory of being forced to race in NASCAR … who will you turn to – to clean up the pit lane?

    When everybody else saw Hell, he only saw the podium – and now it’s time to take it all back!

    Kimi Raikkonen is BACK IN DA HOOD.

    Starring Ellen DeGeneres, Bradley Cooper, Ice-T, a chiuaua, Bruce Campbell, Judi Dench, that guy who was in that film one time … you know the one I mean, Shia La Beouf, Shia La Beouf’s cousin Phil, Justin Bieber and Lindsey Lohan with Mickey Rouke and Marlon Brando. Written by Adam Sandler and Michael Bay. Directed by Quentin Tarantino.

    Only in cinemas.

    1. …Is it bad that I’d pay to watch that film?

    2. You do know Marlon Brando is dead right?

  20. Kimi : Don’t talk to me while im thinking

    1. Haha, that was brilliant :D

  21. Witness the new remote-controlled Kimi. Please note that the power cable is a temporary measure – we will be testing the new KERS-powered version in Jerez.

  22. So Kimi what are your comments about the 2 day test?
    Kimi: I was quickest.

  23. Nod if you like Magnum, Kimi.

  24. Kimi “I’m having trouble concealing my excitement”

    Journalist “But you look calm, as usual?”

    Kimi “It’s not my face that’s excited”

    1. This is unfathomably funny. Definite winner for me.

  25. Interviewer: So, Kimi, how big is your penis.
    Kimi: Well…

  26. This time I hope to be there for Michaels goodbye picture.

    1. I like this one :D @verstappen

  27. Interviewer: “So Kimi, did you watch F1 last season?”
    Kimi: “No”
    Interviewer: “How come?”
    Kimi: “I was having a ****”

  28. Kimi: an interview? Oh God. I quit! Again!

  29. Will your driving be as defensive as your body language this season Kimi?

  30. Kimi’s latest plan of avoiding the media through camouflage is thwarted by the team providing him with a white chair.

  31. Interviewer: Today, we meet kimi on track to discuss his hopes for 2012
    Kimi: Guys, there’s a car coming

  32. ‘So Kimi, where were you at the time of the CT01 launch?”

    “…I was having a ****.”

  33. Kimi: I’m looking forward to having a fellow Finn as teammate this year.
    Interviewer: Er Kimi, your teammate is French.
    Kimi: What? I want to speak to Tony!

  34. I will be good I will I will.

  35. Kimi decides that crossing his hands and feet are the only way to win a podium this year!

    1. very good!

  36. Erm.. I thought someone was going to fit my chair… Well I brought the chair…

  37. ‘So there’s no ice cream after this?’

  38. “How longs this interview going to take my ice cream is melting”

  39. FlyingLobster27
    28th January 2012, 13:20

    Kimi: “I’m happy that the confusion over the name ‘Lotus’ is finished, and I’m looking forward to using the petrol-ethanol mix this year.”
    Interviewer: “Er, we’ll be using normal fuel, Kimi, ‘E20’ is just the name of the car.”
    Kimi: “Oh. Now I’m confused again.”

  40. SennaNmbr1 (@)
    28th January 2012, 13:23

    “Mine’s a pint.”

  41. ♫ Just one Cornettoooo… ♫

  42. …kimi would you get over it? Marting the old me would say a was having a …, but i am a changed man now, and all i can say is i was taking a leak.
    kimi i hope you never change, that’s why you have such a large fan base. Kimi is different.

  43. “Hey Kimi, would you like a John Player Special…oh ****!”

  44. Kimi: “oooowwwwww brain freeze!”

  45. Dane DI Pierro
    28th January 2012, 13:49

    Kimi: Yes, I will be wearing a gorilla costume driving the lotus this year.

  46. Cost-cutting taken to a new level at Lotus with Raikkonen’s latest seat fitting.

  47. Damoor Valentino
    28th January 2012, 13:52

    “Why are you wearing a cap? – You know that they call me the Iceman, right?”

  48. Kimi had been out of F1 for a while, but no-one had the heart to remind him that this wasn’t his seat-fitting

  49. I Love The Pope
    28th January 2012, 14:03

    “I’m not sure what happened in qualifying. I was asleep.”

  50. You really have nothing better to do, do you?

  51. Interviewer:

    ‘So Kimi, after two years away from Formula 1, you are back in Formula 1! I mean you were a wonderful driver for McLaren and Ferrari in your first stint and became World Champion, but you didn’t seem to be in love with the sport anymore, and ultimately that seemed the case when you left for pastures new and tried you’re hand at rallying, not to mention the foray into Nascar! What I want to know is, why after these two years have you decided to come back to what many say a sport you should never have left in the first place? Why have you left Rally behind as quickly as you joined it? Why have you joined Lotus?’

    Kimi: ‘Why not?’

  52. Kimi will you be the Flying Finn this year.
    No I will be the Trying Finn.

  53. Lotus change their press conference format as part of Kimi deal!

  54. Interviewer: “So Kimi, how many airmiles have you gathered so far being back in Formula 1?”

    Kimi: “…that’s not funny!”

  55. Kimi:”What do you mean they’ve run out of ice creams?!”

  56. Kimi..tell us about your first test
    …..mytestwasquitegoodIhadnotroubleadaptingtothenewcar…

  57. The Lotus PR man is down on one knee and looks as if he’s asking Kimi to marry him. Not sure if Raikkonen is that committed to Lotus ;)

  58. A member of the Lotus team demonstrates their new “Stealth Shave” technique.

  59. “…and when they said they’d provide a fully stocked ice-cream van to every race, I signed there and then!…

  60. “So Kimi, you’ve certainly seen the new car already; Do you have any comments on iit?”

    “Yeah, they forgot an ice-cream holder”

  61. Lotus man desperately presses the remote control, as Kimi appears to have frozen.

  62. Interviewer: “Hey Kimi, how are you doing? Ready for this year?

    Inside Kimi’s head: I’m doing well, it’s been a pleasure getting back into an F1 car. It will obviously be a challenge acclimating, but I feel up to it and look forward to competing once again. Naturally, I’d like to be driving this or last years car instead. The rules are rules, though, and we at Lotus believe in fair play. But if Schumacher can do it after being gone for so many years, I’m sure I can adapt to a couple missed seasons. If anything, I think the hunger in me is stronger than ever and I won’t disappoint my fans and my team with everything I’ll be putting into my drives this year.

    Kimi: Fine. Yes.

      1. winner for me. very funny

  63. Mike Gascoyne says…”Kimi, can we improve your finish?” Kimi says…”No, I am from Finland, my Finnish is fine”!! (and yes I know he already said that years ago!) #:)

    1. Mike works for Caterham :) different Lotus

  64. interviewer: Well Kimi, it must be great to be back… I think this is the most exited I’ve ever seen you

  65. ‘well i was never happy with the colour of the Ferrari… so I was pleased to see that the Lotus colour scheme matched my personality.’

  66. Once again, Kimi told interviewers he was taking a ****…

  67. Back in Black

  68. In an attempt to improve Kimi’s media image for 2012, Renault have carefully assembled a lifelike “robotic” Kimi just for FIA press interviews. Here we have a unique ‘behind the scenes’ shot of “robotic” Kimi & operator in a test run.

  69. Interviewer – “Kimi, who do you see yourself beating this year. Obviously you will be fighting with Di Resta and Hulkenberg for points but do you see yourself troubling the Merc’s and possibly even Massa?”

    Kimi – “Massa is on the grid?”

  70. “ok so i talk to you for 5 minutes then you hand over the £100,000 and 2 cases of smirnoff”

  71. “So Kimi, tell me why you decided to return to Formula 1”
    “Mumble, mumble, mumble, undecipherable string of words, mumble, money, blah, blah, money, mumble, mumble, blah, blah, blah”

  72. The wire coming from Kimi’s leg wasn’t the only sign that Kimi was a robot…

  73. “… and so I just went back to the motorhome for a choc ice”

  74. Interviewer: “Kimi, what are your expectations this season?”

    Kimi: “At least 19 parties!”

  75. Lotus Position

  76. Kimi caption: Kimi ‘A superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions. Go now young grasshopper.’

    1. haha good stuff

  77. “Kimi can’t contain his excitement upon his return to F1 this year”

  78. Raikkonen mumbles “I want an ice cream or i’m not saying anything”

  79. Kimi has encountered a problem and needs to close.

    Do you wish to send an error report?

  80. RRA affects Lotus E20 seat fitting.

  81. Please Kimi have a choc ice. No thanks I only like Ferrari’s…

  82. Before I answer any questions, I said ALL must genuflect before me!

  83. Fred Schechter
    28th January 2012, 18:46

    Yes, I always have the engineers kneel before me. Why?

  84. Kimi= i need a wining car ppppppppppppppp or i will

  85. Interviewer: “Kimi, we saw a picture of you looking closely at the setup of the car and its features with a team engineer, what did you learn?”

    Kimi: “Not much really, of course there is the extra button for DRS in the steering wheel which I haven’t used yet. But they were nice to also put a AUTOPILOT, so I can press it when I’m hungover from Saturday night”

  86. Kimi “white plastic patio chairs, I heard rumours of budget cuts but this is crazy”

  87. Mini milk!? I specifically asked for a choc ice!

  88. Kimi: I know they said the Lotus motorhome is airy, but I didn’t realize they meant it’s the car park.

  89. Sofarthecarisverygoodandiamenjoyingmyreturntoformula1andlookgorwardtoyhefirstracewhereihopetoscoresomepoijtsandmaybegetonthepodiumbutwhoknowsijustwanttodowellforthelotusteam

  90. Interviewer: The most exciting moment in F1?
    Kimi: I think it’s the race start.
    Interviewer: The most boring?
    Kimi: Now.

  91. Interviewer “Kimi arent you supposed to be doing sponsorship work right now.”

  92. Kimi was easily confused with the fact that the R30 wasn’t in its usual colours.

  93. “Kimi, that’s it! Have you enjoyed this interview?”
    “…Yes”
    “Great, because we’ll have one each week”

  94. Finally we’ve got him to sit. Now if we can only get him to speak…

  95. “After citing the media as one reason for leaving F1 last time, Kimi settles into the seat of his new car.”

    “The reactive suspension had so much of a strong effect on the body work of the E20.”

  96. So did you watch much of the 2011 season to prepare yourself for this season?

    yes, the last 30mins of brazil….. Webber had a cracking season didnt he?

  97. Interviewer: So, Kimi, you obviously couldn’t keep away from F1 after 2 years away, are you pleased to be back?
    Kimi: Errr, not really, errr, but, errr, think that, errr, I need an ice bath, errr, that’s why, errr, they call me the Iceman, errr

  98. “I must say I expected Lotus to have a better rest area than this, even in the old day we at least had a caravan to sit in”.

  99. Who are all these pay drivers? I only know about 10 people. And this time don’t talk to me in the middle of a corner, otherwise I’ll need a #### (as I did in Brazil 2006) … and LOTS of vodka.

  100. To see if Kimi was truly motivated about his F1 return, Lotus hooked him up to Jeremy Kyle’s lie dector.

  101. *detector FAIL

  102. “….. well its been life changing experience, something i feel needed to do. Its been nice to have a break away from everyday life, but things i guess are going to be a little different now. Yes i am dissapointed being evicted from big brother house the week before the final, but at least now i can take a **** in private.”

  103. Kimi was rigged up to a heart monitor just to check he was still alive during the interview due to his complete lack of facial expressions and his stern silence.

    Turns out he just doesn’t like being interviewed…

  104. interviewer kimi whats ur favorite ice cream
    kimi erm all of them

  105. Lotus mechanic offers Kimi novelty sized piece of gum, Kimi looks unimpressed.

  106. interviewer kimi we have seen you smiling in some pics
    kimi yeah lotus brainwashed me into returning into f1

  107. One of Raikkonen’s marionette strings snaps rendering his face motionless……

    No one notices.

  108. Kimi to interviewer: “Did he just shake his tictacs at me?”

  109. Paul Mckenna Hypnotizes Raikkonen telling him “from the moment you open your eyes you’ll have a new found love for media duties and commercial responsibilities. O.K…. eyes open wide awake”

  110. Kimi forgets how to sit in a chair

  111. Lotus is doing its best to stay within the RRA by not buying a chair for Kimi’s P.A.

  112. “… and then one day, I went past a granny, who was sitting like this while eating an ice-cream, and I remembered F1, and decided to come back.”

  113. “So this one time, at high school…”

  114. Kim Raikkonen responds to questions about his motivation:

    “Yes.”

  115. “The season starts in Australia? Hmmm, there may be some problems with that”

  116. “Kimi, why the long face?”

    “Because….Racecar”

  117. “….so John, I’m very glad to begin my second generation career with Lotus in it’s iconic colour scheme – and to be a team Player with the guys, for me, will be really Special. Ah, thankyou no, I only smoke at night….”

  118. Hang on… This isn’t the dentist?

  119. “Lotus book progress with press friendly Raikonnen animatronic, still relies on external power source.”

  120. Kimi: You told me silly hats were compulsory for this interview – where’s yours?
    Interviewer: we had to tell you something to get you here.

  121. There are too many “having a ****” and “eating ice cream” captions in this thread!
    (This comment is not for the caption competition :D)

  122. Interviewer: Why did you pick Lotus for you come back?
    Kimi: I was drunk and signed whatever they told me to.

  123. Sobriety clause?

  124. “hang on, what day is this?”

  125. I: What are your expectations for 2012?
    KR: It’s nice. It is the same for everybody.

  126. Kimi: the car felt good, e interview chair is a whole different story!

  127. whats is your favorite flavor on ice cream?

  128. rUN_FOR_IT_SCOOBY
    29th January 2012, 8:26

    Interviewer:” Why the face?”
    Kimi: “Sorry just got some reverse exhaust”

  129. Kimi enters serious negotiations over what ice cream the team will provide

  130. Kimi: “So I hope you got all of that because that was my last interview of the year.”

  131. “URRRRRR”

  132. Interviewer: So how are Lotus paying you? Euros? Dollars? Sterling?

    Kimi: Magnums

  133. “-…yes, we are working on a new seat with arm support, since i’m getting old and i need more rest at my age.”

  134. Interviewer”So kimi hows the new car?”
    Kimi”Its all back to front they had to glue me together a different way”

  135. KR: “I realized then and there, I had been running .. running from my demons, running from people who love me .. running from the creepy ice cream man. It was time to go back.”

  136. Interviewer: So how did your first test feel after two years out of F1?
    Kimi: The race was boring.

  137. “What do you mean no more vodka?”

  138. Kimi eyes up the competition for the final round of musical chairs before the start of the 2012 season

  139. Interviewer: “Realistically, what are your chances for 2012?”

    Kimi: “I think we, Scuderia Ferrari, have a good chance of some podiums this year…”

  140. “Eh, car is good.”

  141. Kimi, “Seb did what at the awards ceremoney”.

  142. “For sure, the car is nice colours”

  143. Who are you? And where’s my pizza?

  144. Kimi is uncharacteristically animated at a preseason interview in Valencia.

    1. Best! The only caption to make me laugh out loud.

  145. ” I said i want black chairs with lumbar support and cupholders, For sure you must do this before i answer anymore questions. But yes i am thrilled to be back in F1 “

  146. Answer to first question: “Yes”
    Answer to next three questions “No”
    Answer to last Question “For sure, i think so”

    Wonderful Kimi riviting as usual.

  147. Interviewer: “How many Mimosas did you have this morning, Mr. Raikkonen?”

    Kimi: “I went with Bloody Marys this morning.”

  148. kimi – can I adjust the height of this chair?
    Interviewer- no the IKEA banned the use of allen keys.
    Kimi – just like my car then!

  149. Interviewer- Kimi if your hot you can take your beenie off
    Kimi- I can’t. Its surgically stapled and can’t be removed. My ode to the choc top. Anyone for icecream?

  150. Kimi has his first seat fitting for the new Lotus and is concerned to hear about the new ride height rules for 2012.

  151. Kimi, “are you absolutely certain this is a commode that I”m sitting on”.

  152. Matthew Furneaux
    31st January 2012, 13:16

    the lotus guy is saying “answer the nice interviewer Kimi and you can have this ice cream.”

  153. Interviewer: So Kimi, are you ready for the interview?
    Kimi: Another one already?! I had one just 5 days ago. Oh man, I’m getting tired of interviews, it’s always the same f… questions… I came here to drive and I believe the fans are expecting it, not those silly interviews. Come on!

  154. Kimi – ” Croak Croak Croak Croak”

    Interviewer – ” I cant really understand you.”

    Kimi – ” Croak Croak Croak Croak”

  155. KR: “So let me get this absolutely clear, you’re telling me that qualifying at Monza will be in reverse gear only?”

    Int: “Yes, that’s right.”

    KR: “…. reverse gear, not reverse track configuration?”

    Int: “Yes, that’s right.”

    KR: “…. , well that’s not too bad.”

  156. “I told you I don´t want chewing gum, servant! Now leave.”

  157. INT- “So,Kimi,what are your feelings about your return to the sport?”
    RAI- “Emmm,well,emmm,I want an Icecream.”

  158. Media: Kimi, what is the thing you missed most in F1?

    Kimi: Ice cream & coke.

  159. jacob.stanton
    28th April 2012, 19:09

    If vettel was 2 nd and I won I might go to a millionair??????? I would have 567597659657659765653793569786597650876534085643056478366942759594673748548658965986709536098658460503£££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  160. INT: “Kimi, why do you always answer a question with a counterquestion?”
    Kimi: “Why not?”

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