Okay, this is that list I told you about. I found it over at F1 Rejects where I posted it a year ago. Like I said, it’s Australia-Malaysia last year before it got to the point where I couldn’t keep up with their idiocy. And a warning before you begin reading – it’s cringe-worthy at best:
- Assuring the Australian public that Mark Webber’s victory was a sure thing in both Melbourne and Sepang and that the Brawns, Williams and Toyotas did not pose a significant threat, even after those three teams utterly dominated and Jenson Button won in Melbourne. At least Hamilton actually did stand a chance when Allen did it in 2007 and 2008.
- Cutting off the BBC’s commentary in Sepang when the race was halted, and taking the opportunity to talk mostly about Webber.
- Cutting to a commecial break when, in their own words, “Things are just heating up here in Sepang”.
- Cameron McConville commentating as if there is no difference between driving a V8 Supercar and a Formula One racer. He might have had a few laps of Motegi in an RA108, but it doesn’t make him an expert.
- Treating Legard and Brundle the way Legard and Brundle treat Kravitz and Goodman: namely, people they’ll occasionally cut to.
- Asking Peter Windsor infinite variations on questions about Mark Webber and ignoring the more interesting aspects of the event. In other words, generally wasting his time and his knowledge.
- Referring to Brawn, Williams and Toyota as the “Diffuser Three” and making out that everyone in the paddock is using the name they came up with.
- Trying to explain the new rules for 2009, only to cut to Brundle and Legard, who make things much clearer (and make less errors).
- Simply calling out what they see – like “And there’s Kimi Raikkonen on the extreme wets!” – as opposed to Brundle, who will detail why Ferrari chose them and the implications of them having made the right and the wrong choice (ie explaining why an extreme wet won’t last in dry conditions and what would happen if he were on worn extreme wets when the rain comes down).
- Treating their audience like idiots when the delayed telecast generally means only seasoned fans will tune in.
- Giving no new information in the introduction; their analysis is generally limited to talking about the last race and how Mark Webber will do in this one, usually implying once again that his victory is guaranteed if they don’t come out and say it anyway.
- Fundamental inability to describe the circuit in detail during flying laps; for instance, turns twelve, thirteen and fourteen at Sepang are interesting because no two drivers have the same line through those three corners, so it’s critical to a lap. All Rust and McConville could tell us was that it was near the end of the lap.
- During the inteviews with drivers in the build-up to the Australian Grand Prix, they asked the drivers some of the dumbest questions I have ever heard out of a commentator’s mouth. Webber’s reactions in particular were hilarious.
- Calling Vettel’s car as being Webber’s even when the on-screen graphic reads “Vettel” and the helmet is clearly the German’s.
- Ignoring the fact that Webber had a far surperior car to Hamilton when the Australian passed him and instead entoning that Webber had just passed the World Champion.
- Being overly-critical of the other drivers when they make mistakes. The fact that they don’t do it to Webber – and indeed, ignore his errors, even when they’re worse than the competition – just goes to show they’re obviously making Webber out to be a sure thing of victory.
- They have, on occasion, been known to correct Martin Brundle. A man who actually knows what he’s talking about.
- Buzzwords. I have heard entire sentences out of their mouths that are little more than a string of buzzwords put together in roughly the right order but mean nothing. Sometimes they even do this during interviews with drivers.
- Interrupting the commentary from the BBC or ITV to update Australia on Mark Webber’s progress. This is generally because Webber is the car on-screen and Brundle and Allen/Legard didn’t mention him straight away.
- Showing absolutely no imagination in the way they commentate; ie referring to Brawn as being a “fairytale weekend” and other such drivel.
In short, I find it embarrassing to tune into these guys. Thank God for TiVo; I can skip through it all when I’m at home. I’m not so lucky when I’m at uni.
