What would your team be called?
IKEA – Chemrec – Volvo racing.
Who would your biggest rival be?
Those gas guzzeling italians! And everyone else quite frankly.. we hate them!
What would be your greatest success story?
Bringing home a 1-2 finish in Britain, powered by biofuel and karma.
And of cause saving the planet. Not quite there yet, but were close! I promise!
What would be your biggest failure?
When the wooden panels caught fire in Hungary because it was a nice sunny day.
That or every race at spa, where the car always gets full of water, swells up to double size moments before it all falls apart like a wet newspaper.
What would your team be like personality wise?
Hippies with flowers in the hair, with quite an extremist approach to saving the planet. Our chief mechanic, Jannis, famously got into a fight with Bernd Meylander, when she tried to fill his SLS up with woodchips.
What would your livery be like?
What do you think ? FLOWERPOWER! apart from the massive blue/yellow patch covering the whole car in an IKEA logo, but underneath! I promise. There is flowers!
Who would be your main sponsor?
IKEA – supplying us with dewels, wooden body panels for the car, and of cause the required and unfathomable instructions. The plus point is that we don’t need mechanics, we simply use some local “handymen”, the negative is that we need two weeks to assemble the car. Resulting in quite a lot of swearing, brute force and a need for homebrewn beer. But we make it in time. Mostly.
Chemrec, supplying us with CO2 neutral bio fuel. Lovely. For our superb Volvo motors! It might sound like a tractor. It might be from a tractor. But at least it’s… slow.
Which big F1 name would be your loyal ally?
Greenpeace. Do they count?
Which big F1 name would be your biggest enemy/rival?
Everyone! But it’s their fault. They hate us. So we hate them. How would we know that they didn’t like woodchips in the fuel. And now they say that a 1-2 finish means nothing when all their cars went up in smoke as a result. really. How were we supposed to know that their engines had tight tolerances…. What a bunch of capitalist &%!”#%#¤!)S=”¤!)!!!
What sort of circuits would your car do well at?
As long as it isn’t too hot and doesn’t rain. But it always depends on the dowels. They are key!
What secret weapon or device would your car have?
Dowels! It’s super quick to swap out the engine. You just do like they do on a drawing and BAM! It’s the wrong away around and the pistons are upside down. But it might be okay if I sit on it for long enough.
Which two drivers would you hire and why?
Arnold Schwarzenegger – look(ed..)s good – and surprisingly was very open to wearing flowery race suits.
And of cause Leilani Munter. That girl is made from destilled flowerpower!
Which reserve driver would you have?
Our kind trucker – Earl.
Which would be your favourite driver really?
Arnie. Because he made some cracking movies, and he brings all of them on VHS-tape for every race. Lovely chap.
Would you use team orders and when?
How would you give an orders to a woman? Or a guy who is as wide as a lorry?
No. Not possible.