5th April 2011, 21:30 at 9:30 pm #165802
“But I’m afraid no amount of money you can muster,
Will make a word rhyme with your second name!”
I took this as a challenge…
It is hard, being P. Maldonado;
Dismissed as a rich desperado.
A career well-oiled:
A reputation spoiled?
He’ll rebuild it with skill and bravado!5th April 2011, 21:39 at 9:39 pm #165803
Haha good effort Tom!5th April 2011, 21:56 at 9:56 pm #165804
Heres my effort: An ode to this years Aussie Grand Prix
The season, it started in Melbourne
Where it was sunny and Warm
It was meant to start in Bahrain
But bullets were flying
So the cars weren’t.
So here we were, new things galore
A new flippy flappy wing
To help overtaking and change who would win
But misuse it and you’d end up in a spin!
Back too was KERS;
All meant to end the overtaking curse
Next came the tyres
Pirreli really did try
To create lots of pit stops in the dry.
All these things to improve the show?
Soon we would know.
So at last along came the race
Just who would have the pace?
The lights went green, and the drivers got mean
Vettel went around and around
With his wing, which touches the ground.
He went so fast,
The Mclaren couldn’t get past.
Hamiltons floor, it needed more glue
To keep it attached to his car!
The others they tried,
With DRS, KERS and new tyres
But in the end things stayed the same
The bull still finished first
Hamilton dragged home second
A Russian third – that was different!
Webber, Massa and Button with work still to do
Sauber, a new rear wing they must make
Mercedes need a new wing too, a front one though.
HRT, Who R They?
Turned up late by one day
So from the race, they were turned away.
So for Malaysia we wait,
Where surely it will rain!5th April 2011, 22:55 at 10:55 pm #165805
I dare someone to write an F1 rap, film themselves performing it, and upload the video to YouTube for us all to see it! Here’s one of the top of my head (it’s hard without using offensive words!)
Ham dawg cruising in top gear
Holla’in at his peeps over the radio
Just couldn’t catch the Vetster up the highway
JB had the feds on his back
They were really crampin’ his style
Ruby put a cap in Nico’s ass
Homie lost all respect man
Cats in the crowd gave Vitty P big upz
Kept that shady cat Alonso back
And so on…6th April 2011, 18:29 at 6:29 pm #165806
Can we get a Robert Kubica one? :)8th April 2011, 13:38 at 1:38 pm #165807
Pedro Diniz brought with him Albilio Diniz’s cash
Not to mention an overwhelming tendency to crash
Yuji Ide’s career was nothing short of a silly joke
A joke so funny in fact his license was revoked
Esteban Tuero was spoiled and was a rich little child
His driving skills were rubbish, reckless, and very wild
Ricardo Rosset always had good financing just to race
The problem was that he was twelve seconds off the pace
Alonso’s teammate Alex Yoong was Malaysia’s pride
Money was the only reason Minardi gave him a ride
Taki Inoue was once brutally rammed by the pace car
But his lack of talent was this racer’s deepest scar
Japanese pay driver Nakano was as rubbish as countryman Takagi
And who could forget the slow but wealthy Italian Giovanni Lavaggi
Bertand Gachot was a Belgian but he was also from France
And Euros were why F1 gave Jean-Denis Deletraz a chance8th April 2011, 19:36 at 7:36 pm #165808
Poor Felipe had no hopes left
Until Vettel made Lewis a theft
The sixth place he obtained
But Glock struggled as it rained
And Lewis was back in 5th.
(I couldn’t think of a word rhyming with -eft)11th April 2011, 18:26 at 6:26 pm #165809
Came to me as I was voting for best driver of the Malaysian GP but tweaked a bit from the original:
His results in Australia, they stang
And the haters all came out and sang.
They said he was finished,
His quickness diminished
But he came back for third in Sepang.11th April 2011, 19:33 at 7:33 pm #165810
Randomchimp that was brilliant.11th April 2011, 20:39 at 8:39 pm #165811
In response to Massa beating Alonso:
What a to do!
Ferrari has a new Number 2,
The Brazillians they cheer,
As they heard loud and clear,
Fernando, Massa is faster than you!11th April 2011, 20:47 at 8:47 pm #16581212th April 2011, 11:02 at 11:02 am #165813
This is something like one I did for the Heidfeld appreciation thread on the old forum in 2009 (I didn’t save a copy myself):
Though ‘Quick Nick’ was the name that they gave him,
His great speed did not lead to high rating.
So when time was for Nick
By a team to be picked
The team principles, so sadly, looked past him.13th April 2011, 9:41 at 9:41 am #165814
Oh, I forgot about the Heidfeld fan club! So much good stuff was lost when the old forum went down. I too wrote a poem about Heidfeld for that thread, which I had completely forgotten about until now. However, luckily for me I had emailed it to F1 Rejects in an (unsuccesful) attempt to get it on the podcast, so a quick check of my email sentbox and voila, here it is!
An ode to Quick Nick:
With Prost young Nick moved into F1
But the car was so bad it went horribly wrong
Next Sauber where Nick was a revelation
Scoring regular points across multiple nations
He headed for Jordan, his career sadly stagnant
But his luck was as bad as a misfortune magnet
An offer from Williams gave Heidfeld a lifeline
And his form that year showed Nick to be sublime
Nick defected to Beamer the following season
He managed 8 rostrums, no wins for some reason
Now Mercedes seems to be Nick’s team of choice
And assuming he wins us fans will rejoice
(Bear in mind it’s effectively a late 2009 time capsule, it needs updating to catalogue his departure from Mercedes, return to Sauber and subsequent role at Renault)13th April 2011, 10:45 at 10:45 am #165815
A marginally less supportive limerick :P
So Nick, why haven’t you won?
That much losing just cannot be fun.
Why don’t you give up
The dream of that cup,
And admit your career is done.13th April 2011, 18:25 at 6:25 pm #165816
Please note I’m just exaggerating what I see as commonly held opinions about these two to make something that I hope is funny:
Lewis vs. Jenson
Now Hamilton’s unbeatably fast,
And by Button could never be passed.
But Jenson is speedier
In chats with the media
While Lewis just falls on his a***.
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