So, the C32 is the next car to be launched.
Are you people ready for this?
CAUSE I DON’T THINK YOU PEOPLE ARE READY FOR THIS.
THIS. IS. THE. SAUBER. C32. BABY.
The GREATEST TEAM on the grid is about to launch the GREATEST CAR in their 20 year history. GET. HYPED.
E21? Sounds like the name of some stupid X-Factor group.
MP4-28? Oh look, it’s the EXACT SAME CAR as last year.
VJM06? You name your car after yourself? Ego, much?
Real men don’t name their chassis after themselves, like some insecure baby with validation issues – real men name their car after their wives. Why? BECAUSE THAT’S SOME ROMANTIC ****.
But who needs real men, when women can do even better? That’s right. Move over Tulisa – I’m talking about the REAL female boss:
MONISHA ‘The Beastsha’ KALTENBORN
LOOK AT THIS MAGNIFICENT WOMAN.
This is what you need to succeed, boys. Intelligence, class, confidence, sweet glasses and two X chromosomes.
But wait – there’s more.
You can’t have an AWESOME team and an AWESOME car with an AWESOME team principal without two AWESOME drivers – and OH MY GOD ARE THESE DRIVERS AWESOME.
First up, we have the man who will win his first Grand Prix in 2013 (quote me on that) – you don’t want to make him angry, it’s:
NICO ‘The Incredible’ HÜLKENBERG
HOLY JESUS HE IS SCARY PLEASE DON’T HURT ME NICO
And who’s joining The Hulk? Well, he’s not just a man. He’s not just a driver. He’s special. VERY special. It’s:
ESTEBAN ‘The Chosen One’ GUTIÉRREZ
HALLELUJAH ESTEBAN LET ME WORSHIP YOUR FEET
Wow. That driver line is so SENSATIONAL I don’t even know what else I can say. Except for YES SAUBER! THIS IS IT! THIS IS YOUR TIME! THIS IS THE SEASON YOU RISE UP AND TAKE THE GLORY THAT YOU SO RICHLY DESERVE!
LET’S. DO. THIS. *******S.