Okay, a bit of an out-there one given a few recent rumours:
Ferrari
1 – Alonso
2 – Vettel
Ferrari dump Massa and pick up Vettel after Vettel is particularly impressed at the way the team turns the F2012 around when Red Bull fail to do the same for the RB8.
Red Bull (Renault)
3 – Webber
4 – Vergne
With the loss of Vettel, Red Bull are forced to keep Webber. Vergne is drafted in after he beats Ricciardo in the 2012 season standings.
Lotus (Renault)
5 – Grosjean
6 – Korjus
Raikkonen leaves after a falling-out with the team (as hinted at in Monaco). Lotus pick up Korjus from Formula Renault 3.5 as his replacement.
McLaren (Mercedes)
7 – Button
8 – Perez
McLaren cannot hold onto Hamilton, who is initially rumoured for a Red Bull seat. They take Perez after Ferrari offer their vacant seat to Vettel, making Perez a free agent.
Mercedes
9 – Rosberg
10 – Wickens
Schumacher finally scores a win in 2012, but decides to re-retire. Unimpressed by Force India’s lineup, Mercedes take a chance on Robert Wickens.
Sauber (Ferrari)
11 – Kobayashi
12 – Petrov
Roman Abraumovich’s investment in the team paves the way for a Russian driver to join Sauber, with the money intended to build on the team’s 2012 promise.
Williams (Renault)
14 – Hamilton
15 – Bottas
Maldonado and Senna are fired after they cannot keep the car out of the walls. Sir Frank scores a coup with Hamilton, promising to let him build the team around him.
Force India (Mercedes)
16 – di Resta
17 – Merhi
After a disappointing season for the team, Hulkenberg is cut loose. Mercedes place Roberto Merhi at the team instead.
Toro Rosso (Ferrari)
18 – Ricciardo
19 – Kvyat
With Vergne moving on to Red Bull, Toro Rosso take Daniil Kvyat instead. The appointment is expected to be temporary, with many predicting Kvyat will replace Vergne in 2014.
Caterham (Renault)
20 – Kovalainen
21 – Rossi
Petrov’s departure paves the way for Alexander Rossi to join the team.
Marussia (Cosworth)
22 – Glock
23 – Haryanto
Success! Marussia finally beat HRT, but the merry-go-round of drivers in the second seat continues, with Charles Pic dumped in favour of Rio Haryanto.
??? (Cosworth)
24 – Maldonado
25 – Pic
Pedro de la Rosa quits in disgust when HRT are banned for three races after knowingly using brakes that would not last a full race, thereby endangering their drivers. The team takes two pay drivers.