F1

1. The only good looking nose without protuberance: Mercedes
2. The least offensive protuberance: Sauber
3. The most innovative nose: Caterham
4. The most faithful penis representation: Toro Rosso
5. The best masked penis: Force India
6. The best looking nose: Mercedes
7. The worst looking nose: Ferrari

The Mercedes is easily the best car. Not just because of the nose, but because it looks like a real racing car. It looks like the natural evolution of the turbocharged monsters on the 1980s. The Red Bull is also nice, and I am hoping other teams will follow their lead when it comes to the nose. Still, there is only one place I want to see the Red Bull this year: in the garage.

Lotus and Caterham tie for the most original design. Although Caterham win the prize for shooting themselves in the foot by painting the car such a ghastly colour and making it look worse.

Of all the teams with a finger nose, McLaren are easily the best-looking. I like the way everything melds together in one piece.

A dishonourable mention goes to Ferrari. I liked it under studio lights, but pictures from Jerez show a slight kink in the nose that make it look like someone sat on it and bent it.

Force India win the You Cunning Bastard Award for releasing photos that seriously skewed our perception of the nose – it is twice as long as everyone thought it would be.

I actually quite like the McLaren (the finger still looks a bit daft, but not as forced as some of the others), Mercedes (although the nose and monocoque look a bit too triangular in profile, and I don’t like how abruptly the nose stops) and the Red Bull (small and well hidden finger, and the car generally looked elegant to me). The Williams doesn’t look so bad either, but final livery might change that.

1. The only good looking nose without protuberance: Mercedes
2. The least offensive protuberance: Red Bull
3. The most innovative nose: Lotus
4. The most faithful penis representation: Toro Rosso, although I think it makes me feel a bit inadequate
5. The best masked penis: possibly Williams if we exclude Red Bull’s. It being the same colour as the body and the contours sweeping into the nose makes it look more integral and less like a weird extra appendage
6. The best looking nose: Red Bull. The camera mounts on the Merc just take too much of my attention.
7. The worst looking nose: Ferrari. The Caterham is certainly hideous, but so weird that I find it interesting. The Ferrari looks sad and droopy, and I feel the same when I look at it. When I’m not laughing.

1. The only good looking nose without protuberance: Mercedes
2. The least offensive protuberance: Red Bull
3. The most innovative nose: Lotus
4. The most faithful penis representation: Toro Rosso
5. The best masked penis: Red Bull
6. The best looking nose: Mercedes
7. The worst looking nose: Caterham