F1 Poetry

This topic contains 63 replies, has 31 voices, and was last updated by  RandomChimp 6 years, 5 months ago.

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    Tom L.

    “But I’m afraid no amount of money you can muster,

    Will make a word rhyme with your second name!”

    I took this as a challenge…

    It is hard, being P. Maldonado;

    Dismissed as a rich desperado.

    A career well-oiled:

    A reputation spoiled?

    He’ll rebuild it with skill and bravado!


    Ned Flanders

    Haha good effort Tom!



    Heres my effort: An ode to this years Aussie Grand Prix

    The season, it started in Melbourne

    Where it was sunny and Warm

    It was meant to start in Bahrain

    But bullets were flying

    So the cars werent.

    So here we were, new things galore

    A new flippy flappy wing

    To help overtaking and change who would win

    But misuse it and youd end up in a spin!

    Back too was KERS;

    All meant to end the overtaking curse

    Next came the tyres

    Pirreli really did try

    To create lots of pit stops in the dry.

    All these things to improve the show?

    Soon we would know.

    So at last along came the race

    Just who would have the pace?

    The lights went green, and the drivers got mean

    Vettel went around and around

    With his wing, which touches the ground.

    He went so fast,

    The Mclaren couldnt get past.

    Hamiltons floor, it needed more glue

    To keep it attached to his car!

    The others they tried,

    With DRS, KERS and new tyres

    But in the end things stayed the same

    The bull still finished first

    Hamilton dragged home second

    A Russian third that was different!

    Webber, Massa and Button with work still to do

    Sauber, a new rear wing they must make

    Mercedes need a new wing too, a front one though.

    HRT, Who R They?

    Turned up late by one day

    So from the race, they were turned away.

    So for Malaysia we wait,

    Where surely it will rain!


    Ned Flanders

    I dare someone to write an F1 rap, film themselves performing it, and upload the video to YouTube for us all to see it! Here’s one of the top of my head (it’s hard without using offensive words!)

    Ham dawg cruising in top gear

    Holla’in at his peeps over the radio

    Just couldn’t catch the Vetster up the highway

    JB had the feds on his back

    They were really crampin’ his style

    Ruby put a cap in Nico’s ass

    Homie lost all respect man

    Cats in the crowd gave Vitty P big upz

    Kept that shady cat Alonso back

    And so on…



    Can we get a Robert Kubica one? :)


    Felipe Bomeny

    Pay Drivers

    Pedro Diniz brought with him Albilio Dinizs cash

    Not to mention an overwhelming tendency to crash

    Yuji Ides career was nothing short of a silly joke

    A joke so funny in fact his license was revoked

    Esteban Tuero was spoiled and was a rich little child

    His driving skills were rubbish, reckless, and very wild

    Ricardo Rosset always had good financing just to race

    The problem was that he was twelve seconds off the pace

    Alonsos teammate Alex Yoong was Malaysias pride

    Money was the only reason Minardi gave him a ride

    Taki Inoue was once brutally rammed by the pace car

    But his lack of talent was this racers deepest scar

    Japanese pay driver Nakano was as rubbish as countryman Takagi

    And who could forget the slow but wealthy Italian Giovanni Lavaggi

    Bertand Gachot was a Belgian but he was also from France

    And Euros were why F1 gave Jean-Denis Deletraz a chance



    Brazil 2008

    Poor Felipe had no hopes left

    Until Vettel made Lewis a theft

    The sixth place he obtained

    But Glock struggled as it rained

    And Lewis was back in 5th.

    (I couldn’t think of a word rhyming with -eft)



    Came to me as I was voting for best driver of the Malaysian GP but tweaked a bit from the original:


    His results in Australia, they stang

    And the haters all came out and sang.

    They said he was finished,

    His quickness diminished

    But he came back for third in Sepang.



    Randomchimp that was brilliant.



    In response to Massa beating Alonso:

    What a to do!

    Ferrari has a new Number 2,

    The Brazillians they cheer,

    As they heard loud and clear,

    Fernando, Massa is faster than you!



    @calum – I was touched with joy in reading that :’D



    This is something like one I did for the Heidfeld appreciation thread on the old forum in 2009 (I didn’t save a copy myself):

    Though ‘Quick Nick’ was the name that they gave him,

    His great speed did not lead to high rating.

    So when time was for Nick

    By a team to be picked

    The team principles, so sadly, looked past him.


    Ned Flanders

    Oh, I forgot about the Heidfeld fan club! So much good stuff was lost when the old forum went down. I too wrote a poem about Heidfeld for that thread, which I had completely forgotten about until now. However, luckily for me I had emailed it to F1 Rejects in an (unsuccesful) attempt to get it on the podcast, so a quick check of my email sentbox and voila, here it is!

    An ode to Quick Nick:

    With Prost young Nick moved into F1

    But the car was so bad it went horribly wrong

    Next Sauber where Nick was a revelation

    Scoring regular points across multiple nations

    He headed for Jordan, his career sadly stagnant

    But his luck was as bad as a misfortune magnet

    An offer from Williams gave Heidfeld a lifeline

    And his form that year showed Nick to be sublime

    Nick defected to Beamer the following season

    He managed 8 rostrums, no wins for some reason

    Now Mercedes seems to be Nick’s team of choice

    And assuming he wins us fans will rejoice

    (Bear in mind it’s effectively a late 2009 time capsule, it needs updating to catalogue his departure from Mercedes, return to Sauber and subsequent role at Renault)



    A marginally less supportive limerick :P

    Quick-Nick-Limerick 3

    So Nick, why haven’t you won?

    That much losing just cannot be fun.

    Why don’t you give up

    The dream of that cup,

    And admit your career is done.



    Please note I’m just exaggerating what I see as commonly held opinions about these two to make something that I hope is funny:

    Lewis vs. Jenson

    Now Hamilton’s unbeatably fast,

    And by Button could never be passed.

    But Jenson is speedier

    In chats with the media

    While Lewis just falls on his a***.

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