Jenson Button, Autosport International, 2004

Caption competition 1: Jenson Button

Caption competitionPosted on Author Keith Collantine

Jenson Button, Autosport International, 2004
Jenson Button, Autosport International, 2004

Having previously noticed the popularity of the caption competition thread in the forum I decided it was time to give the idea a slot of its own on the website.

And as today sees first public day at Autosport International I thought we should start things off with an earlier picture from the show.

Here’s Jenson Button at the opening of the 2004 event.

What use could the then-BAR driver find for a massive pair of novelty scissors?

Add your comedy caption in the comments and look out for the best in a future Comment of the Day in the daily round-up.

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  • 171 comments on “Caption competition 1: Jenson Button”

    1. “Who needs Brawn? I’ve got Scissors”

      1. haha, good one!

    2. “Now where do i find those Red Bull electronics again. Muuwaaahaaaa!!”

    3. Don’t race with scissors. :)

      1. Wow, that sounded stupid.

        1. @Nixon I appreciated many of them, but this one actually made me laugh out loud! D:

    4. REDBULL, Here I come!

    5. ” Jenson Button Finally Gets a Hair Cut “

    6. Jenson proves he can cut it in formula 1

      1. Thumbs up for that one.

      2. A bit of a cliche, but I like it @mcnutt

      3. Not bad!

    7. ‘now wheres that williams contract’

    8. ” A cut above the rest… Will Jenson Button ever trim the bum fluff? “

    9. Jenson is the new member of Cutting Crew and has released a remix of Died in your arms.. It is called ‘I Drove with my arms tonight’

    10. Driving a BAR Honda or using these to trim my goatee, it’s all the same to me!

      Maybe I’ll have more luck with a Braun?

      1. “I’d be better off with a Braûn” – Winner

    11. Jenson takes desperate measures to ensure that he gets the lead role in the upcoming head & shoulders advert.

    12. “Where is Vettels nr.1 finger?”
      “I have a pair of scissors in my cockpit, someone left scissors in my cockpit. What should I do? Throw it away or come in?”
      “Let’s trim Alonsos eyebrows”

      1. “Let’s start corner cutting”

      2. “Are these the scissors that were made to tailor Eddie Jordans shirts?”
        “BAR, could these scissors be an inspiration for improving our aerodynamics of our car?”
        “This is our top secret steering wheel grip strength exercise”
        “My driving style has become smoother from doing this exercise”

      3. I second your “Let’s trim Alonso’s eyebrows”…rightly so, he has some crazy ones!

      4. “Let’s cut to the chase with this interview/press conference”

    13. Lewis, I hear Eddie designed you some clothes, just send them this way and I’ll sort them out…..

    14. Jenson’s past may shed light on the mystery behind Vettel’s punctures

    15. After having to cut the chicane to pass him, Jenson saw the irony in his Birthday present from Felipe.

    16. Any way you slice it, I’ll stay at BAR!

    17. Jenson Button has an unfortunate tell in this year’s paddock-wide rock-paper-scissors contest.

      1. oops, probably should have read all the posts rather than just the first page. Mine is along similar lines, but I feel yours is better anyway

    18. “OK, so, Jenson can cut faster than you. Can you confirm you understood that message?”

    19. Jenson to his engineer: I’m struggling with massive scissors

      1. SennaNmbr1 (@)
        14th January 2012, 12:19

        LOL! :D

    20. Its not only TV that can make cuts to F1.

    21. Jenson Button wishes Felipe Massa was shorter than him…

    22. “Meanwhile at Honda, things were going badly”

    23. Jenson got the wrong end of the stick when Ross Brawn said he wanted to buy Honda for a snip.

    24. “With scissors like this I can easly reach the hair on the back of my head. That’s why my hair is always so perfect!”

    25. Good morning Sir, ready for ‘the snip’?

    26. “Jenson Button – racing with the cutting-edge of technology.”

    27. Ben Spearpoint
      14th January 2012, 11:29

      Button predicts Honda cuts.

      1. Haha quality

    28. The break lines on these modern cars were getting harder and harder to cut…

    29. If Lewis gets that close to me in Canada again this year he’s going to be talking with a very high voice…

    30. thatscienceguy
      14th January 2012, 11:33

      What really happened to Lewis Hamilton’s GP2-era afro.

    31. David Richards decides it’s finally time to do something about Jenson’s beard…

    32. Jenson made it perfectly clear he was going to be more aggressive this year.

    33. Just cutting you off!

    34. “This is how to cut someone up Massa”

    35. Jenson takes a simple approach to contract negotiations.

      1. I like this. A* to you!

    36. matthewf1 (@)
      14th January 2012, 11:54

      Jenson was forced into desperate measures in an attempt to trim his lap times.

      1. Beat me to it ;)

    37. Jenson loses out in Mclaren’s new strategy system as Lewis Hamilton arrives holding what appears to have come from the side of a mountain!

    38. “Martin said that if I want to drive for McLaren, I have to make the best hedge sculpture of Lewis to go on display at Woking.”

    39. A rare behind-the-scenes photo from filming of Freddy vs. Jenson, taken shortly before someone noticed the typo.

    40. Jensen cuts all links with head and shoulders!

    41. “Jenson had to admit, the handling on the new car was indeed sharper.”

    42. “This season Sebastien, your balls will belong to me, not Helmut Marko!”

    43. ‘why am i holding such a large scissor’s?’

    44. SennaNmbr1 (@)
      14th January 2012, 12:27

      The audition for a part in “The Borrowers” went well.

    45. Lewis: He’s brought a pair of scissors to a knife fight.

    46. “Hey Sebastian …. over here. Let’s have a look at that beard”

    47. Apparently Jenson Button isn’t a fan of long grassy run off area’s…

    48. “Jenson Button, holding undeniably large scissors so you dont have to” #NewHead&ShouldersAd

    49. Jenson has always been a fan of the undercut…

    50. Jenson seemed eager to cut to the chase, but he wasn’t going to win just yet.

    51. Michael Hogan
      14th January 2012, 13:33

      Time to neuter the opposition… but where to start…

    52. “I’m drunk and I’m with scissors… watch out!”

    53. Perhaps it was already mentioned somewhere on page 2 or 3, but “Jenson has the cutting edge” :D

    54. “Sabotage? Me? They’re Secateurs, honest!”

    55. Jenson shows off his new cutting edge aero device.

    56. Now where is Sebastian? I talked to him about that damned finger so many times…

    57. Hey guys! Come check out what I’ve done with the car!

    58. Cup of tea would be amazing

    59. Ok – I got the scissors – now how do I castrate the Red Bull ?

    60. “We at BAR need to use many special tools to get the car performing the way it such as this special gyrostrobic mass cutter, which has been cleverly disguised as a massive pair of scissors to fool the other teams. “

    61. “I asked for left handed?!”

    62. “Jenson Button shows off his new weight saving device”

    63. You’d never know it from TV, but Formula 1 people are actually really tiny in real life.

      1. Love this

      2. I Chuckled :D

    64. Let’s get this circumcision party started. :)

    65. “Time to clip those Red Bull wings…” *snip snip*

    66. At last Jenson realized that he misunderstood his team manager when talking about big cuts for next season.

    67. “Jenson managed to cut 2 seconds of his lap time”

    68. “Winning!”

    69. “Sorry Williams, I have disposed of that contract.”


    71. “Don’t worry, I still have it.”

    72. “Thanks, but I don’t think these will do. You had better fetch me the big scissors.”

    73. Michael Brown (@)
      14th January 2012, 17:33

      Jenson Button shaves off 1kg

    74. “Now if someone mentions China…”
      “Martin, is this not what you meant when you asked me to undercut Webber?”

    75. As sharp as my racing

    76. Big? You should see my pencil!

    77. Jenson Button – World’s Smallest Driver.

    78. Alan Kirkland
      14th January 2012, 18:37

      Lets clip some Red Bull wings!

    79. “Now Ross, if I you don’t mess with Rubens strategy, to help me become champion, then say goodbye to your little friend.”

    80. After he crashed, Brawn was heard saying: “Jenson isn’t a safe pair of hands”, and Jenson replied: “I’ll show him what a pair of unsafe hands is”.

    81. “Jenson finds the way to cut the performance gap in qualifying”

    82. … and I’m the cat that also ate the canary.

    83. “F1 driver shrinks from six foot to six inches”

    84. Jenson took the idea of the “undercut” far too literally.

    85. “Red Bull taking the tittle in 2012?… nah, they are bullocks”

    86. Sorry Louise (Griffiths), its the chop for you.

    87. “I’m only doing a ribbon-cutting for Head and Shoulders, nothing bad could happen!”

    88. Rumours of Jenson’s 6ft 1in frame turned out to be false.

    89. “Where’s Britney?!!”

      “Dad, where’s your pink shirt collection?”

    90. “A cut above the rest BAR Brawn.”

    91. Jensen’s plan to inspire the 2012 Red Bullocks

    92. “The BAR was set too high so Jenson decided to do something about it.”

    93. “Cutting off all ties to William.”

    94. Thats the last time any sharp metal object goes near his face.

    95. Takuma Sato’s nosehairs = sorted!

    96. Jenson prepares his team for this year’s aerodynamic regulations.

    97. Jenson Button, ensuring he’s in race trim!

      Sorry, that’s terrible.

    98. I didn’t understand what Nick Fry meant when he said that he was in a hedge fund. Now I know and by God there are a lot of hedges at Brackley!

    99. Elliot Horwood
      14th January 2012, 21:19

      “So Jenson Whats On Your Mind?” “Scissors?”

    100. Someone said Honda was giving us all the axe, must have been lost in translation.

    101. Jenson proves he has the Brawn to make the cut.

    102. Jenson on the cutting edge

    103. Someone might have beaten me to it, but:

      “In 2003, Jenson cut Villeneuve down to size”.

    104. Daniel Hamzagic de Carvalho
      14th January 2012, 22:51

      Jenson in 2012 will “cut the cheap” at the Vettel as “Jenson Scissorhands” driving a lot and cutting off all opponents.

    105. “And finnaly the Jenson Button action figure goes on sale and as a bonus we decided to throw in a brand new pair of scissors so that you can cut his life-like beard down to size”

    106. Drop me from Renault & call me a concrete post, eh Flavio.
      Wheres that thong.

    107. Get me back behind the wheel! You don’t know what I’m capable of man!

    108. only i can look this sexy with a pair of scissors

    109. I know the beard isn’t that popular but this present is ridiculous.

    110. Jenson’s shear pace has never been in question, even at BAR.

    111. “I’m coming for your happy bubble, Lewis…”

    112. Someone’s taking the Resource Restriction Agreement a bit too seriously.

    113. I’ve picked a winner – but if you’ve got more suggestions, keep ’em coming!

    114. Ok, Lewis, don’t annoy me to much or else I’ll turn you into a soprano.

    115. These are the scissors he used to tear up his contract with Williams for 2005

    116. Elliot Horwood
      15th January 2012, 2:35

      If i see another one of Eddie Jordans ridiculous shirts…

    117. Jack Flash (Aust)
      15th January 2012, 4:55

      In reference to Jenson’s pink-shirted entourage….

      “Jenson finds the only tool big enough to cut his ‘paternal’ umbilical cord”

      Snigger :) …. JF

    118. I will keep this with me to use it against Hamilton,so that he don’t hit me.

    119. Another bad season then Sheep watch out as i am taking up Farming. “How Hard Can It Be”

    120. snip snip…

    121. People, please cut it out.

    122. “Before my brawn, these were what i used to cut up all my contracts with Williams and BAR, and cut my career into tatters.”

    123. “sorry Lewis, I was told to simplify and add lightness”

    124. First the giant scissors, then come banana peels and green shells

    125. Jenson to Sebastian, “Aaahh! Red Bull gives you wings? Not anymore!!”

    126. so Mr Fukui, are you sure you want to pull out of F1??

    127. Formula 1 is the hub of “CUTTING EDGE” technology,Here’s jense showing us the next innovative thing to come out of Woking…….

    128. “I’ve tried getting to grips with this new steering wheel but it’s not working guys…”

    129. Jenson Button really hated the hair shampoo advertisement of his!

    130. Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he had of continued his childhood dreams of go-karting and not that tiddleywink career, he could be challenge me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re by the pool at Monaco watching the man your man could be like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now a top drive for your man. Anything is possible when your man races cars and not play tiddleywinks. Ihave a large pair of scissors.

    131. ….so this is what they meant by ‘we’ll undercut Vettel ‘….

      ……oh right…yeah..

      ….. I get it now…..!

    132. Where’s that contract?

    133. Jenson decided to take matters in his own hands when the engineers said the BAR needed a short back and sides!

    134. In an effort to reduce weight in the car, Honda has Jenson shrunk to roughly twice the size of a standard scissor.

    135. Oh darn, I’m tired, and not only do I have to drive a BAR, but also hold these stupid scissors for the photo… I wonder if this was part of my contract…

    136. And you thought Lewis was the biggest cut in the team

    137. Oi Vetell…raise that finger one more time!!!!

    138. Time to cut my head and paste it in the Red Bull cockpit for 2012, with the helmet of course.

    139. ken wilkinson
      18th January 2012, 19:34

      Jenson to start new Circumcision Clinic for F1 drivers.

    140. Now where did that Fenando go….

    141. is this what lewis use’s to look the way he does……hmmmm

    142. “Stand still, this wont hurt” !

    143. New front wing design…… Pending FIA approval………. My assumption it was banned? :P

    144. The evidence on Button’s left ring finger was incontrovertible. Jenson was ordered to pay alimony, and the consequences of his Vegas nightmare had only just begun to unfold.

    145. Im never doing a head and shoulders advert again after the haircut im gona give myself!!

    146. JB: “Hey, Fernando, come here, Jessica will give you a quick short back and sides”

    147. Red “Bullocks”

    148. seb,I hate to see that 1st finger, show again and I show you how to get rid of it.

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